Thursday, August 30, 2007

Big questions (for little people)

Today we discuss the issues that our readers *care about: which river is the best?

Facebook couldn't handle the topic.... can *you*?

IDTBOPP takes a look at some of the top responses.

Mississippi

Pros: Really, really long. Useful. Responsible for the founding of Minneapolis and thus has a profound impact on my social network.

Cons: Swallows freeway bridges that are very useful. Smells like butt. Too polluted to legally swim in. Responsible for the founding of New Orleans.


St. Croix

Pros: Fun to swim in, relatively clean, made nice cliffs by Taylor's falls, creates a much-needed barrier between us and Wisconsin.

Cons: Touches the Mississippi.

Cuyahoga

Pros: Only river to ever catch fire for an extended period of time

Cons: Only river to ever catch fire for an extended period of time

Red

Pros: Flows North, which is "out of the box" for a North American river. Keeps North Dakotans from just wandering into our turf. Carries more pesticides into hudson bay than water.

Cons: Flows North, which makes it a flooding hazard because of ice dams.

Yellow

Pros: Cradle of Chinese civilization; produces clean power for a people who don't lose sleep over burning soft coal to fill their energy needs

Cons: Has killed a million plus people in spring floods during the twentieth century alone. Furthermore, the name... *tee hee hee*.

Colorado

Pros: Had an active role in the formation of the grand canyon. Supposedly good for rafting on. Flows over the Hoover dam, producing around 2,000 MW of electricity.

Cons: Peters out south of the border such that it doesn't even reach the ocean anymore, giving Mexico just one more reason to hate us.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

You have completely disregarded "River Phoenix" in this discussion.

Explain yourself!

Jon said...

You really should designate which Red River you are speaking of. BEcause the Red Rive also forms most of the Northern boundary of Texas with Oklahoma. That is when there is actually water in the river bed.