Shut those old wives up, I've had enough of their stupid tales already

I know I posted yesterday, but I have a bone to pick today.

I recently was reminded about how much I hate when somebody tries to refute actual knowledge with hearsay by simply being louder or more articulate. This happens to me all the time when I try to explain to people that FOR THE LAST TIME, DRINKING COFFEE DOES NOT DEHYDRATE YOU!

It's bad enough when people don't respect my opinion even if they don't know about the two years of lab work I did with nucleotides, the chemical family to which caffeine belongs. I'm not saying I know everything about it, I'm just saying that there's a very good chance I know more about this issue than you do. So please, once and for all, just hear me out and perhaps my good deed for today will be slashing through the ignorance that's out there and letting you be free from it.

Quick tangent before I start: people always seem to forget that science is about empirical observation. We explain things we observe with theories that cannot under any circumstance be proven, only evidenced by the observations. Proof in an absolute sense is for mathematicians and philosophers. Science, ironically, though its root word deals with knowledge, is always subject to a degree of uncertainty (be it ridiculously small sometimes) when in its pure form. It could be that tomorrow, apples will cease to fall back to earth when thrown into the air. That would certainly throw a monkey wrench into the theory of gravitation, and, we can't for certain say this *won't* happen. So if you're using science as your ultimate authority for defining truth you have my pity, and lots of it.

That said, when you try to explain to me with your freshman chemistry that caffeine will pull water into your bladder because it's a polar molecule (it is), you are really just mocking my trade. Especially when numerous studies such as Wemple (1997) and Tarnopolsky (1994) give evidence to the contrary. For more examples of how caffiene does not increase urine output when taken in normal amounts, look at the references listed on this page or this page.

I should say that when taken in exorbitantly large quantities, caffeine will make you pee and thus dehydrate you. But let's look at how large a dose it would take to illicit such a response. The threshold of diuresis for a non-tolerant person is 300 mg. To give some perspective, a cup of coffee has about 135 mg of caffeine in it and a can of Dew has about 55 mg in it. So, if you're not used to having any caffeine at all, you will need to slam six cans of mountain dew in a very short time to induce diuresis *from caffeine*. Of course, for experienced coffee drinkers it will take much more than this. Perhaps at this point I should remind you that the number one ingredient in the vast majority of beverages is water, and it is well documented that drinking water makes people pee, so if you're looking to your own experience for evidence to the contrary perhaps you should acknowledge the possibility for confounding.

After reading all of this, I think I've come off as a bit of a buttmunch so maybe I should just end this by saying that I know of the perfect opportunity for me to put my money where my mouth is. I'm running my first triathlon tomorrow morning, and I really would hate to give up my cup o' joe for the sake of superstition. I'll get some pictures and let you all know how it goes, maybe. Till then, peace out, and don't believe everything you hear.