Riding a unicycle off the deep end

You know what's really fun? Winding down from midterms. I think that my mind tries to make up for the hours of intense focus spent studying beforehand by letting various schemas and social conventions slide a little bit more than usual. Which is great. When I'm not scaring people, that is. I think I'm about, we'll say five times more likely to talk in a weird accent for no explainable reason. I am all of a sudden much more susceptible to random dancing. And, blowing bubbles in my milk. *Chocolate* milk. And hiding behind the couch. And probably more stuff...

Now here's the most beautiful part about it all: the midterm I took was in my regression class.

I'll probably be back to normal by tomorrow afternoon, which is almost a shame, because even though there's a decent chance I bombed the exam, I'm still in some kind of euphoric state.

I suppose I should be making the most of this. Time to go fight the giant rocket turtle, I guess. Freakin' Gamura. Or take my medicine. Which is also imaginary. Hmmm.

Motive soup

Influence.

About a minute ago I was thinking about the word itself and I may be onto to something.

'Fluence' is simply some derivative of the latin for flow, right? I'm looking up the root right now.

Apparently, a webpage from some secondary school in Washington state will back me up.

So then influence as a verb is the act of flowing into something. To influence someone, you flow into them. And to be influenced by someone, you let them flow into you. And to succumb to influences, all one must do is go with the flow.

What brought this all up is that I've been wondering what role I'm playing or I'm even trying to play in the lives of the people I know. The whole bit's kinda frustrating, really. Is my desire to alter the trajectories of friends and fam, supposedly for the better, really just another form of the chronic attention-seeking that I've always suffered from? If it is, what do I do about it? Seriously, it's a burning moral question, is it possible for me to be visible and humble at the same time? It seems at first that there's a simple answer, but then you think about what it would look like when you're just living life, shootin' the breeze with some people in a random entryway in a random building and you come up with the best damn joke in the world. On one hand, you know that your motives for telling the joke might not be up to code, but on the other, if you hold it in, you're depriving your fellow participants of gut-wrenching laughter, literally stealing that amazing moment from them.

Maybe for me, my problem isn't the wanting to be seen, my problem is the terms and conditions that I attach. Because sometimes, I really don't want to be seen. Last week was an academic pressure-cooker for me. It might be the thing I hate most about school: the constant realization that any person, pick any person, from my circle of friends or acquaintances is great and all, but they sure as hell won't help me rock my stat theory midterm. That's up to me and the empty seats on either side of me as I study in the SPH student commons, conveniently sitting two stories underground where cell-phone reception is completely implausible.

So here's the hypothesis: if people were more important to me, I would be more important to them. I'm not saying I should give up on my master's degree, that's all good and everything. But it's unreasonable to ask for a larger share of the hearts of those around you if you plan to vacate whenever is most convenient for you. To bring this full circle, influence is a giving of oneself, in some form or another. And constant influence, in the form that I want anyhow, means constant self-giving.

And the rest is best left undisturbed for now, I think.

Bubble Tape was cool once too

I’m not going to pretend this entry is at all normal within the scope of society as a whole. But, you don’t read my entries because they’re normal. You read what I write because I’m the twentysomething with suspect mental stability that still slides down railings.

Submitted for your edification:

Campus Bannister Sliding Report, 2006-07

Coffman union, stairs from patio to Delaware St.

-This railing is a good long slide, but has one of those flat parts at the end that might hurt a bit if you don’t jump off in time. Rating: ☺☺☺

Moos tower, Washington ave. exit to 2^nd floor

-There are three great railings to choose from here, all of which are good for a joy ride. Absolutely useless between classes, when people going up the stairs actually use them as intended. What a bunch of squares. Rating: ☺☺☺

Walter library north interior stairwell

- It’s a huge, marble railing that’s super fast with a convenient landing step at the bottom. The only problem is that a balance error will probably land you in traction at Fairview, if you’re lucky. Rating: ☺☺

Moos tower 2-620 auditorium

- A bunch of little mini-rails going down the aisle of a stadium-seated auditorium. None of them really provide enough incident angle for a decent ride. A great way to look stupid. Rating: ☺

Ford hall, west interior stairwell

-The best I’ve found yet. The paint that they used in the early 1970’s must cut down on rail-to-pants friction. Also, seldom being used by anyone else.

Rating: ☺☺☺☺☺

Hasselmo hall, church st. exit

- Short and sweet, a good ride to be sure, but again, a timely dismount is required to avoid getting owned by the flat part of the raling at the bottom of the steps. Rating: ☺☺

Cancer center, river road exit

- Twenty angled feet of solid cement surface. Impossible to slide upon. Good for anyone who hates himself. Bad for anyone who is trying to enjoy life. Rating: um…